Monday, August 4, 2008

For wedding guests...

So there was an article on Yahoo about what not to do at weddings, and I just wanted to throw in my own two cents. Go ahead and call me a brat or worse for giving you suggestions on how to behave, but I guarantee you most brides today wish they could tell their guests some of this stuff ahead of time.

1. Turn off your flippin' phone. Seriously. No one wants to hear your phone ringing (even if it's a song at the top of the chart) during the ceremony. Or during the bride and groom's first dance, or any other time. If you're that important, at least put it on vibrate.

2. Pay attention to the names on the invitation. Those are the people who are invited. If your precious "angels" aren't listed, find a sitter for one night. If that's impossible, PLEASE don't call and ask if you can bring them. Please. No bride (or groom, or family member) likes to be the one put on the spot. Just RSVP with your regrets and don't take it personal. Weddings are not circuses, or zoos, or carnivals. Children will get bored.

3. Don't ask the happy couple (or their families) how much everything cost. It's just rude. Speculate on your way home if you must, but don't come out and ask.

4. If you respond that you will attend, please try to attend. Yes, things happen that are beyond our control. But just because you're having a fat day is not an excuse. Being irritated at your spouse for not cleaning the bathroom is also a lame excuse. Just try.

5. Don't try to steal the show. This should be a no-brainer, but I've heard stories. Ladies, leave your white dresses at home. Even black is acceptable now, so there's no reason to wear white. Also, put your boobs away. This isn't a singles bar. Gentlemen, could you leave the jeans at home for one night? Dressing nice is your own little way of showing that you care enough to put in some effort for this huge occasion.

6. Watch your alcohol intake. I know some sloppy drunks. I would be horrified if I had to deal with them at my wedding. Thankfully there was only our semi-retarded black sheep and I didn't have to deal with her. Anyway, just don't drink that much! The only exception to this is if a good portion of the other guests are also wasted. Then no one will notice at least, haha. But really, know your limits. You don't want to end up being "that guy" that groped the mother of the bride. Or "that girl" that tried to make out with the best man in the kitchen.

7. Keep the snarkiness put away for the evening. So you don't get along with some of the other guests normally? Get over it for the night. Think your wedding or your daughter's wedding was prettier/nicer/more fun? Don't say anything out loud. Weddings aren't the place for family drama or catty attitudes. Let the couple have their day without all these issues.

8. This is a "controversial" topic, but I'm going to mention it for the sake of all the brides that think it. When shopping for the couple, buy off their gift registries. Sure there are people who know the bride and groom well enough to get something totally them that isn't on their registry, but you should be absolutely positive they'll love it. And please, when shopping off a registry, turn in the printout to the cashier so the items can be marked. Five sets of baking pans are a bit excessive.

9. This isn't so much a guest problem as it is a suggestion to everyone who knows an engaged couple. Never ask if you're invited before the invitations go out. Just don't. It's awkward if they weren't planning on inviting you. I got some of those (also heard were, "So I'm invited, right?" or "I can't wait to get my invitation."). Do you know how hard it is to be put on the spot? So don't. Please.

10. If there ever is some problem, whether you got married and the couple doesn't know it or you have some other question about the wedding, call or email the parents or couple directly. Don't go through extended family members. I ended up with some nice drama because someone brought something up with my aunt instead of me or my mom.

11. Last one. RSVP. On time. Please! Nothing sucks more than trying to track down the people who didn't respond. I would much rather get some "no" responses than have to track people down all over again. They're stamped and ready to go, so take the one minute to check yes or no and choose your meal. Thanks.

So there ya go wedding guests. Don't pull a party foul.

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