Thursday, July 31, 2008

One suffix in particular

Sooo, as part of my Bachelor's degree I had to take linguistics. And if you don't know, that's all about the breakdown of language. My teacher freakin' LOVED language and language studies. So she had all sorts of amusing little anecdotes and such. During lecture about affixes one day she waxed philosophical about one suffix in particular.


As in piglet or droplet or booklet. In those words it's added to give the meaning of "small version." Or something similar. Then she mentioned there's the word pamphlet which just throws the whole thing off. Because what is a pamph???

So she declared that she is trying to coin words with "-let" as the suffix. Her favorite is the word "manlet." She was seriously proud when she described her 20 year old son as a manlet. A manlet would be the over-eighteen boy that is technically a man, but lives at home and does not do other "grown up" things like supporting himself and such. Her son hated the term, big surprise. But she loved it, and used manlet as often as possible.

I didn't particularly have a special love of that class, but I love throwing that suffix around now. I use manlet a lot, especially when describing my nephew when he's all pimped out. My other favorite is "thuglet." You know those high school kids who think they're tough with their sideways hats, baggy pants, and general air of... dare I say, retarded thuggishness? Yeah, they're thuglets. My husband also gave me a term which I will not be using here due to its potential to offend some people. Funny, I just don't want to alienate any readers of my blog.

It's easy to throw a suffix onto a word, but the word has to be usable. So I wanted to challenge you, my readers, to come up with some new words for "-let." And leave them in my comments. Can you make one that will stick?

Monday, July 28, 2008


So my nephew has been staying with me the past few nights again. And yesterday he totally cracked me up.

First, you have to know - the kid loves his socks. I buy him random little cartoon socks all the time. My mom does the same. And he coordinates his socks. He has a pair of Buzz Lightyear shoes, guess what socks he wears with them? Same goes for the Lightning McQueen shoes.

So yesterday he was wearing his Buzz socks and shoes with his Batman pajamas until I told him it was time for a shower. Well, I walked in his room and found... three crumpled pairs of socks.

Me: "Were you wearing all of these right now?"

He just smiled. And told me that the two pair of Batman socks underneath were for his Batman pajamas.

So when he was dressed again I asked him to put the socks back on for some pics...

So here's Buzz Lightyear coming off... to reveal Batman pair #1.

See Batman pair #2 peeking out underneath there?

Fighting with the socks to make them come off... he's not a camera whore or anything.

And here's a pile resembling the one I found earlier. The kid's a freak. Although Tim will claim he gets it from me. I am the shoe whore around here...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

For gits and shiggles...

You know you love the title... you'll have to thank my cousin Tony for it. Anyhow, came across this in someone's blog today and I know I've done it before, but I haven't done it since I got married or moved. Which affects some of the names. I personally believe I have the best soap opera name ever now.

1. My Gangsta Name is Ashizzle (first 3 letters of your name, plus izzle)... I guess I just have the right name for gangsta-ness
2. My Detective Name is Yellow Snake(favorite color and animal)... kinda boring, I know
3. My Soap Opera Name is Elizabeth Valentine (Middle name and current street)... she sounds like someone who's been married at least five times, no kids, and totally goes for younger men
4. My Star Wars name is Briassey (first 3 of last name, first 2 of first name, last 3 of mom's maiden name)... haha, my name has "ass" in it
5. My Superhero Name: Black Malibu (2nd favorite color and favorite drink)... so you could argue this one because I don't drink Malibu straight, but whatev

So if you've never done this one, do it. It's just for fun.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Follow up for the ladies

So my friend "Mal" raised a point. I did make it sound like a lot of guys don't get the girl. But that's not entirely true.

The types I mentioned are susceptible to the same thing any human being is susceptible to: maturity. I know, you're thinking, "Boys get mature?! You're a rotten liar!" But it's true! My musician got over himself and got married. He's even got kids now.

The one my mom hated? After multiple heartbreaks (can't say he didn't deserve them) he's finally getting married. Well, at least he's closer to the wedding date than he was with his previous engagements. But it looks like this is finally the right girl for him (yes, I still talk to him).

I already mentioned that when you date down the guy might be worth keeping around. So I'll leave it at that.

Makeover guy... well if he doesn't have the balls to stand up to you and you actually like that, then I guess you could keep him. But I would wonder why you would want to! There are also the guys that resist completely - you could end up liking that. Then there are the in between guys. Like my hubby. He hasn't changed much, but he does wear flip flops and polos more than he did when we met. Of course I'm not sure he owned flip flops or polos when we met... point is, he changed just a tiny bit. But he'd die before letting me make him over completely. And I like that. Because his laid back mannerisms have rubbed off on me too. So anyway, makeover guy has potential.

The hot guy who knows it is a hit or miss. Some of them grow up and realize they don't want to be that nasty fifty-year-old that still hits bars for women. They take patience though. They're so used to being man-whores that the flirting and non-consideration of the real world (not the show BTW) can take a while to disappear. But they can be worth it. Although I don't know any that ended up being worth it. Wait... nope, don't know any.

And there's your follow-up. So are any of you asking what kind of guy you should keep? Well, I told you that some of these types can stick around. But there is no guaranteed good guy. I don't know you well enough to tell you exactly who to date. The family you were raised with makes a huge difference. But for me, I can tell you that the biggest thing when I was dating Tim was the fact that he so easily fit into my family. I'm seriously close with my family so that was super important. I never worried about leaving him in the room with my dad and uncle because he could sit there and b.s. right along with them.

So if I could tell you one thing, maybe it's that you should decide what is really super important. And I don't mean making a list, that never worked for anyone I know. Because most of the time those lists are made at an entirely too young and idealistic age. So how often are you going to find a guy that meets every requirement of a girl who still thinks she's a princess? Just look at the guys you dated and take note of the qualities that didn't work for you. Avoid that in the future.

There's no way anyone would ever call dating easy. And there's no way that the perspective of a complete stranger is going to solve all your dating problems. But hey, I try. And if for some reason something I said clicks and leads to you getting married, let me know. I like ego boosts.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ladies... I have something to say to you.

So a couple years back I was going through this phase where everyone I knew was coming to me with relationship stuff. One friend in particular constantly asked me for help, advice, the right things to say... you get the idea. Now I didn't mind it. I began to joke about writing a book. I still may one day, but we'll see.

Anyhow, the book idea was mainly at the encouragement of my dear friend. She made me feel like a genius every time I gave her an idea. I freakin' love that girl. I told her I would dedicate it to her.

Now this isn't a book (obviously), but a section that I had semi-planned occurred to me tonight and I thought I should share some of it. So here we go.

Ladies, these are some of the men you really should date before you get married.

*Disclaimer: I did not necessarily date all these, but if I did and one sounds like you know him, don't tell him please. I don't need any whiners around here.*

Every girl should date a musician. Really. Chances of you dating a musician with some success are slim, so go for the guy trying to start a band, or already playing music in some type of setting. That could be a guy playing in coffee shops, open mic shows, or even his church group. Wanna know why you should date one? Any guy who's heavy into his music is going to be super passionate. I'm not talking strictly sex here. They tend to be poetic (you will never hear your eyes described the way a musician describes them). If you get the chance, date a singer. Because there is nothing that compares to a guy singing a song just for you at the end of a date... okay wait, I got distracted. Be prepared for this to go nowhere though. Unless you find a guy who is just about ready to quit his dream, he'll be flaky and more committed to his "image" than he is to you. He's all about his stage presence and the fact that chicks dig it. So summary: date the singer, let him serenade you, don't get attached. Oh, and if you ask him to write a song for you, be prepared to hear this excuse: "I did that once before, and the relationship went bad. I just can't do it again right now." I swear you'll hear a version of that.

Every girl should "date down." Forgive me for sounding like a snob, but you know what I mean. Date the guy who thinks you're totally unattainable. He will worship you because he'll know he's dating up. Simple math, right? Don't just pick the first guy who comes along; at least find someone you have something in common with. You may actually discover that this guy is worth keeping around. So listen: someone who will worship you for being the hotter one in the relationship.

Alright, I have a term for this next guy. Find a makeover guy. Ya know the one that you like, but he could use an image change? You'll date him without the makeover you're dying to give him, but the makeover would make you two look so fab next to each other! So find the guy, start dating him, then take him shopping. Make it look like a trip for you. And happen to pick out some stuff that you think "will look soooo good on him." Cosmo will try to give you all kinds of ways to "change your man." If you want to follow that, do it. But here's the trick: if he lets you totally make him over then you need to ditch him. No, I'm not heartless for saying that, listen. If he is willing to become this completely different person (in the shallow sense that a makeover gives) then his testicles haven't dropped yet and he's not nearly man enough to tell people no. Seriously, I dated a guy who let me make him over. Total mama's boy. And while it can be nice to have someone that will essentially let you boss him around, it gets old quick. I promise.

Now bear with me when I mention this next guy because I know some girls will disagree. You need to date the hot guy who knows he's hot. At least one. Sometimes this guy falls into the musician category. To that I say, great! Two birds with one stone! So, the cocky hot guy will be the best accessory you can get. He's usually a jerk, but he's really current on the hotspots in town and he knows how to have a good time. You'll have fun with him and hit some of the best parties/clubs/etc. Just don't get invested, because it takes the right woman to make this guy commit. He's more likely to blow kisses at the mirror than at you. And really, when you look at pictures of your exes, don't you want to have one ex that your girlfriends are totally jealous about? Admit it, you do.

This next guy sounds about as crazy as my previous suggestion, but I have a reason. Date the guy that your parents hate. And I recommend this one shortly out of high school. Because let's face it, most people rebel when they graduate and turn eighteen. So what better way to rebel than dating the guy that your parents don't like you with? Now I am NOT encouraging a guy who beats you, deals drugs, or anything else illegal. Date a guy that rubs your parents the wrong way from day one. Bonus points if your friends don't like him much either. So you're thinking I'm crazy, but listen. As you date this guy, you will realize your parents might actually be right about stuff. I had that experience. First guy I dated after high school. He was older and pretty much a jerk. But did I listen to my parents? Or my friends? Nope. And guess what? After I broke up with him, I valued the opinions of my closest friends a lot more. You need that wake up call to realize that maybe others see the things you don't.

So yeah, this blog sounds nuts, but think about it. Dating is a learning experience, right? Unless you're one of the few that marries your high school sweetheart. I just wanted to throw this out there because for some reason it struck me tonight. Enjoy, and if you take issue with what I said, hit me up. It may make for another great blog...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Really PETA? Really??

Now I'm not some savage person who kills things for no reason. I've never hunted, but I most likely will in the next few years. I'm married to a man who hunts. Yes it's ridiculous when people do things like dog fighting and such. But PETA just needs to go.

Above is a blurb from Perez Hilton. About how PETA has beef with the new Batman flick. All I can say is ricockulous. Because if a dog was attacking them they would just let it feed on their wimpy flesh right?

Actually, PETA nutjobs probably taste bad.

Monday, July 21, 2008


So we came home from our vacation on Friday. And Tim still had three days off. So we didn't want to just sit around without anything to look forward to. So we went to the movies. Three days in a row. Yay! I love movies!

Friday night we found out that one of the theaters here in town is $3 shows. All the time. So we checked out what they were showing. Iron Man! We were seriously lagging (not to mention slightly busy being newlyweds and finishing school) and hadn't seen it yet. So we were super stoked to find out it was showing for three bucks. Saturday we woke up late, hung out, then went to an afternoon show. And can I just tell ya... LOVED it. I kind of love Robert Downey Jr. now. Even though he was every feminist's nightmare in that movie. He was hilarious. And pretty stinkin' nice to look at. I also know it was good because normally I don't particularly enjoy Gweneth Paltrow, but she didn't bug me in this movie. I feel like the big battle could have been bigger, but oh well. So yeah, we caught our movie and came home happy.

Sunday we decided to see Hellboy 2. We both loved the first one. So we went to another afternoon one (gotta save money where we can). Great movie. Even if I did have to give the death look to the family behind me that let their kid kick my chair five or six times. I think the kid was scared when they left after the movie. I'm scary to little ones... anyway. Yes, movie was awesome. I was kind of hoping that we would get a glimpse of **SPOILERS** the little spawn of Hellboy. But oh well. I've gotta say Guillermo Del Toro is a super crazy, super talented man. You know he had fun coming up with all those monsters. Although the elf-people-things were ugly. Not even a normal ugly, but ugly enough that I kind of hated them. What was funny was that their look, language, weapons, everything, reminded me of the elves in LOTR. Tim said the same thing. But overall, loved the movie. Must buy it when it comes out.

Today... *glorious sound of angels singing* The Dark Knight. I've been stoked for this since... a long time. I heart Christian Bale. Oh so much. He's totally the best Batman ever. Throw in the super smooth Michael Caine and what is supposed to be the best performance Ledger ever gave, and I was so ready to go. We waited until today hoping it would be less crowded. And it totally worked. There was a group of five little teenage turds that laughed more than necessary, made a couple comments that were just audible enough to irritate... I gladly would have choked those asshats out, but the interference was minimal enough that I didn't have to do anything that would get me in trouble. Anywho, it was so awesome. No dull moments, and the last part was so freakin' intense I'm not totally sure I even blinked. I think I may have been thinking too much, because even moments where Ledger was supposed to make you laugh were only eliciting a smile from me. I wasn't sure how I would feel watching his last completed movie. And yeah, I was a little upset seeing his name with the dedication/memorial thing in the credits. But wow. I told Tim and another friend that I need to see it a few more times to even get every theme and message that were thrown in there. And I probably will see it again, but I might wait for the $3 shows.

So what's next? Well, I'll be waiting for plenty to be at the $3 theater. Like the kid movies that I didn't see. I'd like to take my nephew to Wall-E. I told my brother and cousin that we would go see Step Brothers. Because that's what we do with Will Ferrell movies, go as a group and laugh our asses off.

So that's it. Now that the big superhero movies are out of the way, I can feel the end of summer sneaking up on us. And it's depressing. But I'm gonna enjoy the rest of it. Who else is up for some good times?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Mini-vacay... day three

I hate that feeling that you get on your last day out of town. It sucks. You know you never want to go home after any amount of time spent away. Unless you left for something stupid.

Anyway, the plan for the day was to go to Pinnacles National Park (past Hollister and Tres Pinos on 25). They have some caves you can hike to and walk through. Tim went when he was a kid so we figured a hike for our last day might not be bad. We headed out there and it was kind of a crappy drive. Everything is so dry right now that it wasn't a particularly pretty view.

We got there and figured out which trail we wanted. Packed up the backpack with water and stuff and got going. It wasn't a bad hike. It got hot pretty quick though. Then we got to a set of caves (which actually used to be a canyon that some rocks fell on top of) and it got super cool. So we walked around the trail, checked out the little springs that were in there, and just wandered. There was one little pool farther down from us and we were shining our flashlights in it when Tim saw a frog and I saw a ring someone must have dropped. I decided it was "his precious" and he was gonna turn into Gollum. I'm a freak like that.

So kept hiking, made it up to a reservoir where we took our break. Saw some snakes swimming in the water, joked about how the setting was perfect for a crappy SciFi movie and something was going to jump out of the water and eat us... once again, freaks. Then we headed back down to the car. We probably did about three miles. When we got to the car I was freakin' hot so I changed before we got on the road.

So if any of you have driven the 152 in California (that's Pacheco Pass) you've probably gone by, or stopped at Casa de Fruta. It's a glorified roadside fruit stand. Or at least it probably started that way. They've got fresh fruit, dried fruit, nuts, candy... a little bit of everything. We stopped there because you kind of have to when you're driving. Got some stuff, walked around the little play area, took some cheesy pictures... the normal stuff you do at a rest stop that's also a tourist spot. Then back on the road for home.

We got home and just vegged the rest of the night. Micah aka the best house sitter ever, brought my keys and garage opener back later. She's so cute, she even made our bed for us. How much do I love her??

So that's it. Our mini road trip vacation. Totally want to do it again. We'd love to hit the ballparks in California. But not this year. Maybe next year. Any fans want in?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Mini-vacay... day two

As you read, we had a thrilling day one complete with a shady inn. Well the reason for that shady inn was because it was close to San Jose. And we wanted to be close to San Jose because... we went to the Winchester Mystery House on Thursday.

So some of you may not know anything about the house, some of you may know a ton, but I'll give a super short description of the story behind it. Sarah Winchester was the widow of William Wirt Winchester (yeah, like Winchester rifles) so when he died she had a ton of money. She had seen a medium after her husband's death who told her that there was a curse on the family because Winchester rifles had killed so many people. The way to appease the spirits was to continually build and add on to the estate. Because of this the house is totally weird. There's a door that goes directly into a wall, a door to the outside of the second story (I have a picture somewhere), a staircase straight to the ceiling, and a chimney that stops just inches from the roof making it unusable. A lot of this was done to "confuse the spirits." She had a seance room near her bedroom in the house. She was obsessed with the number 13... the list of oddities goes on. But that's a good enough summary for ya here.

So we toured the house. The tour we paid for included the house and behind-the-scenes. The gardens and the rifle museum were included with the tour. So we wandered the gardens and the rifle museum. My mom returned a call I had made earlier. Tim and I had been talking about mounting hunting trophies and whether I would ever be okay with it. I mentioned that my grandma has a wolf rug somewhere so I called my mom to ask about it. She called back and confirmed that yes, grandma has a wolf rug. My great-grandpa shot it in Alaska. So now Tim wants it. Anyway, finished the rifle museum (which is all of three or four rooms) and it was time for the house tour.

The house tour was cool. I took tons of pictures because of so many people saying it's haunted. We were dorks and totally hoped we would catch something. I don't think we did. Oh well. But yeah, the house is strange. But they've tried to keep a lot of the stuff original. All the stained glass windows are still there (they do come down for refurbishing), there's a room filled with Tiffany stained glass that never got put anywhere (that translates into a few million bucks), the wallpaper was this textured stuff and it's still original. It was pretty cool. I totally coveted some of the furniture. I like some of that Victorian looking stuff.

The behind the scenes tour wasn't bad either. We got to wear some fashionable hardhats because we went down into one of the basements (yes there's more than one basement there). Our tour guide for that was really good, he knew what he was talking about.

After that tour we left. Stopped in the gift shop but didn't buy anything. On the road I cracked up. We were behind a car that had a bumper sticker. The sticker said, "Maine Bumpah Stickah for the Cah." Just say it with the Maine accent. I don't know why I found it so funny, but I laughed about it for a good ten minutes and then kept saying it all day. What can I say, I'm weird.

We were going to head down to Santa Cruz and hang out at the Boardwalk. We decided to stop and The Mystery Spot first though. If you don't know about it, I really can't explain much about it. It has something to do with the gravity being wonky there or something. Either way, it's crazy. And it's only five bucks. Go online and search it. But I'm tellin' you, the place is weird. There's a couple spots where you're standing, but you're leaning so far that your body is making a fifty degree angle to the earth. It's hard to explain.

So having been all mysterious we headed for the Boardwalk. I hadn't been in years, neither had Tim. So we walked, people watched, ate food that was horrible for us... I got my Dippin' Dots again! And we had garlic fries and beer. Dinner of champions, right? We did take some time to play in the arcade. And mini-golf. And that's the point where I cracked myself up again. I was sucking at the game big time. So at one point my ball stopped like, an inch from the damn hole. So I hit the ground on my knees and yelled at it, "Go to your home! Are you too good for your home?!" Yes, I pulled a Happy Gilmore. I thought I was hilarious. Other than that we didn't do much there. Made up stories about people as we sat around. That's always fun.

We finally left and went to our hotel. Which was in Gilroy. And for some reason Mapquest told us to take some back roads. At least it was a full moon so it made the drive through nothingness a little nicer. Got to our hotel and I realized we were right across the freeway from the outlets. I was a little depressed I couldn't shop. Okay, more than a little depressed. Anyway, we got a late dinner and just vegged in the hotel room

And that was day two. I seriously don't know how I found myself so damn amusing all day, but I did. Day three coming tomorrow. And it wasn't really interesting so hopefully it'll be shorter to save you some time.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Mini-vacay... day one

So we never took our honeymoon (stupid school and work), and we desperately wanted a vacation. Tim somehow managed to have six days in a row off so we started planning this great trip that would take our whole time and be our honeymoon.

Then we realized we were seriously short on fundage. So we cut down the vacation and quit calling it a honeymoon. Because there's no way I was calling some three day trip a honeymoon. So Wednesday morning our trip started. I didn't play online during our vacation so here's a three part blog. A few days late.

Wednesday we had this great plan to leave by nine in the morning. I had to vacuum and unload the dishwasher, Tim had to get a passport photo (for an application), go to the bank and go to the post office. Put all of this together, and we did not get out by nine. He actually skipped the post office. He also didn't get his passport photo done because the first place he went didn't have a working machine. But everything else got done. Including Tim stopping at my mom's because she left us something. Well, she's pretty much awesome. She got a big gift bag and put a bunch of snacks in it, knowing we'd be doing a lot of driving for the next couple days.

So we finally leave here, go to get Tim's passport photo at a different place, then get on the road. We're barely out of Fresno when Tim realized that he didn't have our aquarium passes (we got free passes from someone he works with). So we turned around to go home. On the way I called mom to tell her thanks. She tells me that there was an ice chest Tim was supposed to grab too. So we go back to our apartment, back to mom's, then we FINALLY leave. If it's that hard to go out of town with just us, I can't imagine it with kids...

So we headed up to Monterey and went to the aquarium. Packed. Seriously packed. Does anyone work during the week? So we wandered for about an hour and decided it was too crazy in there. After we left we walked Cannery Row and stopped for lunch (pizza!). Then the walking continued almost down to the wharf. At one point we stopped and were looking at the water and totally saw dolphins playing. Like, jumping out of the water and everything. I have never cursed my lack of a good camera more than at that moment. Walked back to our car, stopping for a sugar fix along the way. Tim got a big cinnamon roll, like always. I headed straight for the Dippin' Dots shop. Funnest dessert on earth. I heart them. Very much.

Our hotel was near San Jose so we made the drive there. Kind of boring. The hotel was... interesting. Between the scary parking lot and the barefoot white trash couple... yeah. But it was super cheap, which was what we were going for. And we did get to park right next to the entrance, and my car was still there in the morning. All good.

One random thing I noticed was the channels on the television. Here in Fresno we've got I don't know how many Spanish channels. While we were flipping through the channels we found one station in some Asian language, one Punjab station, but NO Spanish. We eventually settled on SciFi, which we could understand.

So that was uneventful day one. If you're my msypace friend, you can see pics. Tomorrow, day two and me being super amused with myself...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

New Show

So I heart TLC. I could watch most of their shows at any given moment. What Not to Wear is the best thing ever. Love Say Yes to the Dress. Take Home Chef? Why can't I have him come home with me? So they debuted a new show last Friday. I set the DVR for it so Tim didn't have to suffer through it. It's called Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust. The commercials looked hilarious because the mom is totally nuts. So I gave it a shot.

Well, watching it right now... love it. Ashley Paige is an aspiring swimwear designer and seriously has got nothing. She's behind on every payment she could be. She lives in L.A. with her mom. And her mom is seriously cracking me up. Want some mom highlights?

Ashley is behind on bills and stressing about it. Her mother (after feeding homemade biscuits to each dog) says, "Don't worry about the bills. Forget about the bills for a while. Now here, have a biscuit." Because a biscuit will make everything better???

The focus of the first two episodes was Ashley getting ready for fashion week. For those of you who don't know, several cities have a fashion week, L.A. among them. It's basically a bunch of designers doing runway shows to debut their lines. So Ashley is doing one even though she can barely afford it. So as part of a runway show, you obviously need models. Ashley had models at her shop, basically trying out for the runway show. Well, Ashley's mother is there and keeps talking about how skinny everyone is. She straight up got donuts and went down the line of models, trying to get them to eat. These models looked so confused. "Eat? But, then I would be a size zero instead of negative two!"

Last mom highlight... Ashley has plants in her shop, but they needed some better potting soil. So mom runs to the store to get it. She comes back, and starts putting the stuff in the plants. And everyone at the shop can't figure out why it smells... that would be because Ashley's mom bought STEER MANURE for the plants. So everyone is gagging and running outside... great stuff.

So if you want something amusing to watch on Friday night, watch Ashley. I think it's on at ten. The mom is the best part, but I like fashion so it's also fine with me to watch someone try to make it.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Okay, so I'm watching I Love the New Millennium on VH1 and they were discussing Daniel Craig as James Bond in 2006. Tim looked at me and said, "You never saw that one did you?" My response?

"I have never ever seen a James Bond movie."

Honest. I've seen maybe ten minutes at the most of one, and I couldn't tell you which one that was. I'm just not interested. At all. Couldn't tell ya why, I just highly doubt I will ever see a James Bond movie.

Go ahead and try to tell me what I'm missing out on. If my hubby can't convince me to watch one, I doubt any of you can. But hey, if you want to try, be my guest.

Now back to my VH1.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Wedding Tips... part one

I was married about three months ago and have had a lot of time to reflect on the day itself, the planning process and everything wedding-related. So I thought I would share some thoughts and tips from a recent bride. A lot happens during wedding planning and there are plenty of tips for me to give you. So there will be part two, possibly part three. But for now...

When you first get engaged, don't plan. Just enjoy it for a while. Don't set a date, don't pick your bridesmaids, don't even think about your colors. Just enjoy saying "fiance" instead of "boyfriend." There will be plenty of time to plan (ignore this if you're knocked up and want to get married before you pop the kid out).

When you start planning, figure out what you can afford. If any parents are going to help out financially, figure out what they want to do. Do they want to pay for a specific aspect or contribute a dollar amount? Or are you guys footing the whole bill yourselves? However it's going to happen, figure it out before you get your heart set on certain aspects that could take a big chunk of your budget.

A lot of people will tell you to pick the location and date first. We picked our date, and less than two weeks later I had my dress picked out. Obviously my dress set the tone for the formality of the wedding. And somewhat influenced the venues. I would recommend picking your date first. And be prepared for it to be somewhat difficult. We were lucky and had it narrowed down to two pretty quickly. It was one of the easier things we did. That said, you also need to be prepared to wish you had chosen a different date at some point during your planning. Every once in a while I found myself wishing I had been able to have the fall wedding I had always envisioned. But I love how my April wedding turned out. If I had been married in the fall, where would my hot pink shoes and crinoline fit in?

The last tip I'll give you for today is a good one I read on theknot. Sit down, just you and your fiance, and decide what parts of the wedding are most important to you. Make a list of your top three and have your fiance do the same. Then compare. Don't just say the reception is most important either, what part of the reception is important? The food? Alcohol? Cake? Music? Figure out your big three based on your lists (yes, you may have to compromise) and tell yourselves that those three things will be what you spend the most time and money on. Those three things should be what you want guests to remember, and what you feel is really "you" as a couple. I wanted little touches that really brought our personalities to the party. Tim's groom's cake had a pirate topper. His cuff links were pirates. We had a pirate bar with specialty drinks. Then there were my pink shoes and crinoline. All these little things that people LOVED when they noticed them. I had more compliments on my pink crinoline... because it was distinctly me.

So there ya go, part one down. Hope it helps any brides who run across it!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Who let you procreate?

In general I love kids. They're cute to look at and they aren't mine. Babies are great. They have the baby smell, they're small and soft, and they always fall asleep on my.

That said, some people just shouldn't have any. My sister-in-law has four of her own. She's young for having four kids, but she takes care of them. She is a mother to them. They are fed, loved, cared for and disciplined like all children should be. So how is it that my sister (who has been doing a lot of this on her own) is doing a better job at raising her children than people I see in the grocery store who are easily ten years older and have a partner to help them?

One thing that gets me is the people who take their small children to the movies. Now some children have great attention spans and are quiet. My nephew was able to shut up through a whole movie just before he turned three. But often, people just let their kids talk, cry, argue, or whatever during the movie. Then there are the parents taking their four or five year old to a movie with a PG-13 or R rating. Ummm... what is wrong with you people?! Do you really think your children need to see that kind of stuff? There are ratings for a reason. Jeebus, how hard is it to find a sitter? And if it is that hard, maybe you should try again a different time.

Movie theaters can be a problem, but shopping is also a joke sometimes. Three year old pushing your shopping cart into people? Problem! Your children playing tag in the store and hiding in the clothing racks? Also a problem! Child screaming because mom won't buy him what he wants? Take his ass home!!! Seriously, my husband gets bored shopping sometimes, so what makes parents think that their toddlers can handle being in a store for a prolonged period? They're children. They'll get bored. So either make it a short trip or don't take the kid! His screaming is getting to me, my butt is tired of being hit by your shopping cart, and next time your kid runs by me while playing tag - I'm going to trip him and laugh. If you're getting looks from just about everyone in the store, then your kids are bugging the CRAP out of everyone.

Don't even get me started on the parents who smoke around their children, don't put them in carseats, feed them sugar and fast food all day... I'm determined to have children and pretty much show people how their children should act. The way some kids act and talk today... Jeebus, I would have had spankings and not been allowed to have friends over for that crap! Grow a pair parents, and show your children how to be respectful!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Wanna know me?

I thought I would share some randomness about myself. Because it sounds fun. And where else am I gonna throw random things around? It's not like I can throw these into conversation without appearing to have Tourette's or ADHD...

I think I have a mini-crush on the guy who does the commercials on TV. He's kind of geeky, but it's cute geeky. And he sings in the commercials. I love me a singer.

I cannot whistle. I just can't do it. I've tried for years, not gonna happen.

I totally have a list of famous chicks I would go lez for. And (no surprise here) Tim's totally okay with it.

I swear sometimes I have ADHD. Seriously. At least to a degree. My cousin says the same thing about herself.

I hate when my toenails aren't painted. It makes me crazy. I went like, two months recently without painting them and it just felt wrong.

I freaking love ballroom dancing. If I could convince Tim (and if I could find affordable classes) we would so be in classes.

I have always wanted to punch someone in the face. Preferably a girl. I don't know what it is, but I just wanna do it.

I want to choke out guys who hit on me. I'm apparently a very violent person, haha. But seriously, I hate getting unwelcome stares/whistles/comments/etc. If anyone is ever close enough to me... I may try to choke them out. Because it sounds fun.

I'm obsessed with C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine. It's amazing, especially the tinted ones.

When Victoria's Secret has their semi-annual sale every year... I spend more money than I should. Then I always say that I won't do it again, but I inevitably do. I probably dropped over two hundred dollars during their most recent sale. Bad Ashley...

I believe in ghosts. I've never had personal experiences, but enough people in my family have that I believe in 'em. I swear my grandma's house is haunted.

Dirty kitchens are a HUGE pet peeve of mine. One or two dishes isn't unbearable, but when the whole kitchen is a disaster... ugh. When I cook I have to clean as I go.

I love photography. I'm not great or anything, but I want a fancy camera so I can practice. Hopefully for my birthday...

Even with the amount of stress involved, planning a wedding is so fun for me. I would totally be down to be a wedding planner. As long as I can call a bride out when she's bitching for no reason.

I've watched All My Children for over ten years now... sad, I know.

I didn't drink on my 21st birthday. My husband (then boyfriend of two months) and I watched our football teams play each other and then went to get dinner. I'm lame.

Alright... I think that's enough randomness for now. Now you know all kinds of weird little things about me. And I may add more one day. Because I have a problem with blogging. I always lose my train of thought or get distracted. Probably for the best, because if I actually wrote everything that I originally meant to, we could be here a while.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

So on the subject of movies...

I watched a couple movies in the past few days that I had not yet seen. So here's a quick "what I thought" for y'all.

Sunday I watched Marie Antoinette. You know, the one with Kirsten Dunst from 2006. I had kind of wanted to see it when it was in theaters, but it wasn't high enough on the list for us to make it (that and I didn't think Tim would want to see it). But it came on one of our movie channels last month and I set the DVR for it so I could watch it later. So Sunday morning was a lazy morning. Tim was at work and I thought, Hey. I have a movie on DVR that I haven't watched yet. So I started it. And you know what? I really liked it. Like, really. It was good. Now I'm not even going to get into the fact that people argued how "unrealistic" and "falsified" it was because let's think about it, who goes to the movies for a history lesson? If you're gaining all your knowledge from the movies, I pity you.

So back to the movie. I'm not a huge fan of Kirsten Dunst. I don't hate her, but I'm definitely not a fan in general. But I liked her in this movie. The movie itself was fun. Sofia Coppola did a great job. I was torn whether to like Marie or think she was a bad person. And the general look of the movie... wow. I've been obsessed with pastels, chandeliers, and damask since Sunday. I could totally plan a ginormous party inspired just by the movie. Loved the dresses, the hair, the sets... everything.

The fact that I could kind of feel for the characters at least gave the movie some substance. It made it more than just eye candy. So if you haven't seen it, I say go for it. I may actually go buy it since my DVR won't store it forever (we found this out at my mom's when High School Musical just disappeared one day). Overall grade? Solid B+

Yesterday Tim had the day off and we decided to see what was on demand on Comcast. Sometimes there's actually good stuff in the free movies. So Tim saw Secondhand Lions listed. Neither of us had seen it and he had heard good things. I love Michael Caine, Tim loves Robert Duvall - seemed like a good choice.

So we started it. Once I got past the fact that Haley Joel Osment is no longer a cute kid, but rather an awkward looking manlet in this movie, I was fine. Actually Caine and Duvall were outstanding. They were hilarious. Easily my favorite part of the movie. The story was great. We both laughed, I came close to crying a couple times, and it just left you feeling happy. We need more movies like that.

So here's another one for you to see if you haven't. And if you know Tim, I'm sure you'll agree that he will be exactly like those two old men if something were ever to happen to me at an early age. Not quite eccentric but... yeah. So rent it. Or catch it on demand. It's fun. I give it an A.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


I have never thought of myself as overly trendy. Yes, I've bought into things that proved popular, but not because they were popular. I wear things because I like them. I also know that I am not nearly brave enough to wear things so fashion forward that I could be called a trendsetter. I'm pretty tame when it comes to clothes. That said...

I was at the grocery store last week looking and walked by a few magazines on the way to the register. One of the bridal magazines caught my eye. Now I'm still easily distracted by all things bridal, but this caught my eye for a different reason. To your right is the cover of the most recent issue of Brides magazine.

You're loving the pink shoes, aren't you? Well look at this shot from my wedding on the left. In April. About two months before this magazine was published. That's right, pink shoes. I think I'm going to take credit (even though I know there are brides before me who wore colored shoes) and call myself a trendsetter. Besides, the picture from my wedding would make a better cover than the real one anyway...

Saturday, July 5, 2008

The Fourth

Hope everyone had a good time yesterday. Nothing like celebrating our country with barbecue, alcohol, and explosives. Right?

So normally in my family we all get together at someone's house, but this year it was a no go. So we made our own plans. We decided to go to my sister's (okay, sister-in-law) and celebrate with food, and more alcohol than we knew what to do with. It was a good time. Some highlights for ya:

Beth and I cooked until my cousin got there. Then we went on our alcohol run. I had already brought a ginormous bottle of Malibu (best ever!). We picked up a 24 pack of Corona, a 12 pack of Blue Moon Honey Ale, and three 6 packs of girly stuff (ya know, Mike's, Smirnoff). The guy that helped us out to the car wanted to come with us I think.

Then there was Beth's firework stand "boyfriend." haha... Down the street from Beth's there was a firework stand and one of the guys working there had been walking around shirtless the whole time the stand was open. So Beth hollered out the car at him when we passed once. And as we continued to drink, we decided it was time to go get some fireworks and talk to her boyfriend. Because as everyone knows, drunk ideas are the best ones. I decided I was still okay to drive so me, Beth, our two cousins, and Beth's oldest son hopped in the car. I told Cole (my nephew) to call me mom so we wouldn't ruin Beth's fun. He played along pretty well, even calling her "Auntie Beth." So we go down there and are trying to sneak a picture of the guy, and a girl working the booth says, "Oh, do you want a picture of the shirtless guy? I'll send him out here." And she did! So we have a picture of him and Beth. Then she cursed us for embarrassing her the rest of the night.

Then getting home was an ordeal. Micah and I decided to leave a little after midnight. Buuuut, the car battery was dead. Because us being brilliant and ghetto at the same time, we used the car on the lawn for playing our CDs. We had fun dancing on the porch and stuff, but now the car wouldn't start. So we tried calling my brother-in-law: no answer. We tried Beth's new friends across the street. No jumper cables. Finally we got ahold of Beth's on/off boyfriend and he had some. So I had to drive Beth's mommy van across town to get him at almost two in the morning (yeah, it took that long to find cables). But we got the car started so all ended well.

I have to say, even though Beth lives in the semi-ghetto, we got to see a lot of fireworks (of the illegal variety). So that was fun. We took easily over a hundred pics as the night wore on and we thought things were funnier and funnier.

Hope everyone else had a good one. I've got ideas brewing for my future blogs and the subjects look promising!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Stupid people...

So I love my apartment. It's cute, the right size, there's a pond right off my back patio...

I do not, however, have a love of the others in this complex.

The gardeners/landscapers/lazy guys don't do the best job cleaning up. I've watched them mow right over trash in the lawn cuz they're apparently too good to clean it up first. So ripping it to shreds is gonna help? At least maintenance is on top of things. Any problem I've had, they've come to fix it within twenty-four hours.

Then there's someone with a dog who has been letting him crap in random places. Seriously. Almost stepped in some today. Gross. How hard is it to pick up after your damn dog? If I find out who it is I'm leaving the poo on their doorstep.

Then there's my new archnemesis. Or at least that's what I'm calling her today. Hooker face has been making it impossible for me to get my laundry done all day! We walk in right as she's loading both washers in there. Then we come back and she's done it again. And now, Tim went back to check and her laundry is just sitting there. Um, she saw us wanting to use it. She knows we've been waiting. I'm ready to pee in the washer she's using! All I want is my damn clothes!!!

Don't get me started on smokers. Not all smokers, just the ones that leave their cigarette butts wherever the hell they happen to finish up. Random butts in the parking lots, in planters, outside garages... just freakin' get a bucket on your porch and throw it in there! I hate seeing them everywhere!

Okay, bitch session over. For now. Until someone else pisses me off...

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


So I'm not feeling creative juices. At all. A beer would make me tired instead of creative. And sugar would keep me up... I don't want that to happen. So what to write about... hmmm.

Alright, an old post from myspace, but still worthy of posting here. And it's not just a repost, I'll retype it.

Ladies and gentlemen: odd vocabulary you may see me use from time to time.

Butterface - Okay, ya know those chicks that walk by and you're like, "Damn! How hard does she work out? Her body is amazing!" Then she takes off those sunglasses and you're saying, "Damn! Someone fell outta the ugly tree!" That, friends, is a butterface. Everything is good but her face. Get it? (credit to my hubby for that one)

Ridonkulous - Got it from David Spade when he did The Showbiz Show (lord I miss that show). Just a fun way to say "ridiculous."

Ricockulous - Same definition as above. Hopefully you see the substitution and why it happened. If not, go watch an R-rated movie or something.

Meh - You need to say this with indifference. Pretty much a way to say, "I don't care."

Whatev - Short version of "whatever." Pretty self-explanatory. Right?

Banshee - You know what they are, right? Horrible screaming voices? Well, when a chick is smokin' hot, but she opens her mouth and the voice is a deal-breaker... yeah, she's a banshee.

I throw in a lot of "y'all," "hella," and other random things. Deal with it. If you actually keep reading you'll pick up on all of it. And I'll inevitably think of more weird things I say and keep you posted.

For now, accept this as my blog and I swear there will be more entertaining things in the future.