Sunday, November 16, 2008

An Open Letter

Dear Scientists,

I know you're busy curing diseases and such, but might I make a suggestion to you? While you're busy finding an obesity gene, or a cancer gene, let's look around for a drama gene. No, not the creative drama, the pointless drama that makes ya wanna backhand a b*tch. Ya know?

I know, cancer and obesity are serious problems, but drama can be too! It causes needless rifts in families. It gives us those annoying couples who break up and get back together every other month. It takes up precious time that could be spent doing better things. It pulls in third parties and creates a problem for them. Drama sucks!

I know people will say, "Just don't hang out with those drama queens." Easier said than done friends. Especially when it's family (blood or otherwise). You're supposed to be nice to these people that are talking about a new "scandal" every month? If they're not mad at you, they will be next month. Maybe you looked at them wrong. Or you breathed on their drink. Or you took someone else's side. Good Lord, could we get over it already? This is where the drama gene comes in. If we turn it off, think how peaceful family get-togethers will become.

I'm also curious to see what else the drama gene will be connected to. The back-stabbing gene? The having-multiple-baby-daddy-is-awesome gene? The I-only-date-losers gene? The I'm-entitled-because-I-have-too-many-kids gene? The possibilities are endless!

So scientists, let's get to work on this one. You'd make mothers of teenagers happy. Anyone with a daughter would fall down and kiss your feet. We could change society as we know it! I've even got some test subjects for you. Just gimme a call. I've got plenty to choose from.

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