Who let you procreate?

In general I love kids. They're cute to look at and they aren't mine. Babies are great. They have the baby smell, they're small and soft, and they always fall asleep on my.

That said, some people just shouldn't have any. My sister-in-law has four of her own. She's young for having four kids, but she takes care of them. She is a mother to them. They are fed, loved, cared for and disciplined like all children should be. So how is it that my sister (who has been doing a lot of this on her own) is doing a better job at raising her children than people I see in the grocery store who are easily ten years older and have a partner to help them?

One thing that gets me is the people who take their small children to the movies. Now some children have great attention spans and are quiet. My nephew was able to shut up through a whole movie just before he turned three. But often, people just let their kids talk, cry, argue, or whatever during the movie. Then there are the parents taking their four or five year old to a movie with a PG-13 or R rating. Ummm... what is wrong with you people?! Do you really think your children need to see that kind of stuff? There are ratings for a reason. Jeebus, how hard is it to find a sitter? And if it is that hard, maybe you should try again a different time.

Movie theaters can be a problem, but shopping is also a joke sometimes. Three year old pushing your shopping cart into people? Problem! Your children playing tag in the store and hiding in the clothing racks? Also a problem! Child screaming because mom won't buy him what he wants? Take his ass home!!! Seriously, my husband gets bored shopping sometimes, so what makes parents think that their toddlers can handle being in a store for a prolonged period? They're children. They'll get bored. So either make it a short trip or don't take the kid! His screaming is getting to me, my butt is tired of being hit by your shopping cart, and next time your kid runs by me while playing tag - I'm going to trip him and laugh. If you're getting looks from just about everyone in the store, then your kids are bugging the CRAP out of everyone.

Don't even get me started on the parents who smoke around their children, don't put them in carseats, feed them sugar and fast food all day... I'm determined to have children and pretty much show people how their children should act. The way some kids act and talk today... Jeebus, I would have had spankings and not been allowed to have friends over for that crap! Grow a pair parents, and show your children how to be respectful!

Wanna know me?

I thought I would share some randomness about myself. Because it sounds fun. And where else am I gonna throw random things around? It's not like I can throw these into conversation without appearing to have Tourette's or ADHD...

I think I have a mini-crush on the guy who does the freecreditreport.com commercials on TV. He's kind of geeky, but it's cute geeky. And he sings in the commercials. I love me a singer.

I cannot whistle. I just can't do it. I've tried for years, not gonna happen.

I totally have a list of famous chicks I would go lez for. And (no surprise here) Tim's totally okay with it.

I swear sometimes I have ADHD. Seriously. At least to a degree. My cousin says the same thing about herself.

I hate when my toenails aren't painted. It makes me crazy. I went like, two months recently without painting them and it just felt wrong.

I freaking love ballroom dancing. If I could convince Tim (and if I could find affordable classes) we would so be in classes.

I have always wanted to punch someone in the face. Preferably a girl. I don't know what it is, but I just wanna do it.

I want to choke out guys who hit on me. I'm apparently a very violent person, haha. But seriously, I hate getting unwelcome stares/whistles/comments/etc. If anyone is ever close enough to me... I may try to choke them out. Because it sounds fun.

I'm obsessed with C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine. It's amazing, especially the tinted ones.

When Victoria's Secret has their semi-annual sale every year... I spend more money than I should. Then I always say that I won't do it again, but I inevitably do. I probably dropped over two hundred dollars during their most recent sale. Bad Ashley...

I believe in ghosts. I've never had personal experiences, but enough people in my family have that I believe in 'em. I swear my grandma's house is haunted.

Dirty kitchens are a HUGE pet peeve of mine. One or two dishes isn't unbearable, but when the whole kitchen is a disaster... ugh. When I cook I have to clean as I go.

I love photography. I'm not great or anything, but I want a fancy camera so I can practice. Hopefully for my birthday...

Even with the amount of stress involved, planning a wedding is so fun for me. I would totally be down to be a wedding planner. As long as I can call a bride out when she's bitching for no reason.

I've watched All My Children for over ten years now... sad, I know.

I didn't drink on my 21st birthday. My husband (then boyfriend of two months) and I watched our football teams play each other and then went to get dinner. I'm lame.

Alright... I think that's enough randomness for now. Now you know all kinds of weird little things about me. And I may add more one day. Because I have a problem with blogging. I always lose my train of thought or get distracted. Probably for the best, because if I actually wrote everything that I originally meant to, we could be here a while.

So on the subject of movies...

I watched a couple movies in the past few days that I had not yet seen. So here's a quick "what I thought" for y'all.

Sunday I watched Marie Antoinette. You know, the one with Kirsten Dunst from 2006. I had kind of wanted to see it when it was in theaters, but it wasn't high enough on the list for us to make it (that and I didn't think Tim would want to see it). But it came on one of our movie channels last month and I set the DVR for it so I could watch it later. So Sunday morning was a lazy morning. Tim was at work and I thought, Hey. I have a movie on DVR that I haven't watched yet. So I started it. And you know what? I really liked it. Like, really. It was good. Now I'm not even going to get into the fact that people argued how "unrealistic" and "falsified" it was because let's think about it, who goes to the movies for a history lesson? If you're gaining all your knowledge from the movies, I pity you.

So back to the movie. I'm not a huge fan of Kirsten Dunst. I don't hate her, but I'm definitely not a fan in general. But I liked her in this movie. The movie itself was fun. Sofia Coppola did a great job. I was torn whether to like Marie or think she was a bad person. And the general look of the movie... wow. I've been obsessed with pastels, chandeliers, and damask since Sunday. I could totally plan a ginormous party inspired just by the movie. Loved the dresses, the hair, the sets... everything.

The fact that I could kind of feel for the characters at least gave the movie some substance. It made it more than just eye candy. So if you haven't seen it, I say go for it. I may actually go buy it since my DVR won't store it forever (we found this out at my mom's when High School Musical just disappeared one day). Overall grade? Solid B+

Yesterday Tim had the day off and we decided to see what was on demand on Comcast. Sometimes there's actually good stuff in the free movies. So Tim saw Secondhand Lions listed. Neither of us had seen it and he had heard good things. I love Michael Caine, Tim loves Robert Duvall - seemed like a good choice.

So we started it. Once I got past the fact that Haley Joel Osment is no longer a cute kid, but rather an awkward looking manlet in this movie, I was fine. Actually Caine and Duvall were outstanding. They were hilarious. Easily my favorite part of the movie. The story was great. We both laughed, I came close to crying a couple times, and it just left you feeling happy. We need more movies like that.

So here's another one for you to see if you haven't. And if you know Tim, I'm sure you'll agree that he will be exactly like those two old men if something were ever to happen to me at an early age. Not quite eccentric but... yeah. So rent it. Or catch it on demand. It's fun. I give it an A.

Trendsetter???

I have never thought of myself as overly trendy. Yes, I've bought into things that proved popular, but not because they were popular. I wear things because I like them. I also know that I am not nearly brave enough to wear things so fashion forward that I could be called a trendsetter. I'm pretty tame when it comes to clothes. That said...

I was at the grocery store last week looking and walked by a few magazines on the way to the register. One of the bridal magazines caught my eye. Now I'm still easily distracted by all things bridal, but this caught my eye for a different reason. To your right is the cover of the most recent issue of Brides magazine.

You're loving the pink shoes, aren't you? Well look at this shot from my wedding on the left. In April. About two months before this magazine was published. That's right, pink shoes. I think I'm going to take credit (even though I know there are brides before me who wore colored shoes) and call myself a trendsetter. Besides, the picture from my wedding would make a better cover than the real one anyway...

The Fourth

Hope everyone had a good time yesterday. Nothing like celebrating our country with barbecue, alcohol, and explosives. Right?

So normally in my family we all get together at someone's house, but this year it was a no go. So we made our own plans. We decided to go to my sister's (okay, sister-in-law) and celebrate with food, and more alcohol than we knew what to do with. It was a good time. Some highlights for ya:

Beth and I cooked until my cousin got there. Then we went on our alcohol run. I had already brought a ginormous bottle of Malibu (best ever!). We picked up a 24 pack of Corona, a 12 pack of Blue Moon Honey Ale, and three 6 packs of girly stuff (ya know, Mike's, Smirnoff). The guy that helped us out to the car wanted to come with us I think.

Then there was Beth's firework stand "boyfriend." haha... Down the street from Beth's there was a firework stand and one of the guys working there had been walking around shirtless the whole time the stand was open. So Beth hollered out the car at him when we passed once. And as we continued to drink, we decided it was time to go get some fireworks and talk to her boyfriend. Because as everyone knows, drunk ideas are the best ones. I decided I was still okay to drive so me, Beth, our two cousins, and Beth's oldest son hopped in the car. I told Cole (my nephew) to call me mom so we wouldn't ruin Beth's fun. He played along pretty well, even calling her "Auntie Beth." So we go down there and are trying to sneak a picture of the guy, and a girl working the booth says, "Oh, do you want a picture of the shirtless guy? I'll send him out here." And she did! So we have a picture of him and Beth. Then she cursed us for embarrassing her the rest of the night.

Then getting home was an ordeal. Micah and I decided to leave a little after midnight. Buuuut, the car battery was dead. Because us being brilliant and ghetto at the same time, we used the car on the lawn for playing our CDs. We had fun dancing on the porch and stuff, but now the car wouldn't start. So we tried calling my brother-in-law: no answer. We tried Beth's new friends across the street. No jumper cables. Finally we got ahold of Beth's on/off boyfriend and he had some. So I had to drive Beth's mommy van across town to get him at almost two in the morning (yeah, it took that long to find cables). But we got the car started so all ended well.

I have to say, even though Beth lives in the semi-ghetto, we got to see a lot of fireworks (of the illegal variety). So that was fun. We took easily over a hundred pics as the night wore on and we thought things were funnier and funnier.

Hope everyone else had a good one. I've got ideas brewing for my future blogs and the subjects look promising!

Stupid people...

So I love my apartment. It's cute, the right size, there's a pond right off my back patio...

I do not, however, have a love of the others in this complex.

The gardeners/landscapers/lazy guys don't do the best job cleaning up. I've watched them mow right over trash in the lawn cuz they're apparently too good to clean it up first. So ripping it to shreds is gonna help? At least maintenance is on top of things. Any problem I've had, they've come to fix it within twenty-four hours.

Then there's someone with a dog who has been letting him crap in random places. Seriously. Almost stepped in some today. Gross. How hard is it to pick up after your damn dog? If I find out who it is I'm leaving the poo on their doorstep.

Then there's my new archnemesis. Or at least that's what I'm calling her today. Hooker face has been making it impossible for me to get my laundry done all day! We walk in right as she's loading both washers in there. Then we come back and she's done it again. And now, Tim went back to check and her laundry is just sitting there. Um, she saw us wanting to use it. She knows we've been waiting. I'm ready to pee in the washer she's using! All I want is my damn clothes!!!

Don't get me started on smokers. Not all smokers, just the ones that leave their cigarette butts wherever the hell they happen to finish up. Random butts in the parking lots, in planters, outside garages... just freakin' get a bucket on your porch and throw it in there! I hate seeing them everywhere!

Okay, bitch session over. For now. Until someone else pisses me off...

Blaaaahh

So I'm not feeling creative juices. At all. A beer would make me tired instead of creative. And sugar would keep me up... I don't want that to happen. So what to write about... hmmm.

Alright, an old post from myspace, but still worthy of posting here. And it's not just a repost, I'll retype it.

Ladies and gentlemen: odd vocabulary you may see me use from time to time.

Butterface - Okay, ya know those chicks that walk by and you're like, "Damn! How hard does she work out? Her body is amazing!" Then she takes off those sunglasses and you're saying, "Damn! Someone fell outta the ugly tree!" That, friends, is a butterface. Everything is good but her face. Get it? (credit to my hubby for that one)

Ridonkulous - Got it from David Spade when he did The Showbiz Show (lord I miss that show). Just a fun way to say "ridiculous."

Ricockulous - Same definition as above. Hopefully you see the substitution and why it happened. If not, go watch an R-rated movie or something.

Meh - You need to say this with indifference. Pretty much a way to say, "I don't care."

Whatev - Short version of "whatever." Pretty self-explanatory. Right?

Banshee - You know what they are, right? Horrible screaming voices? Well, when a chick is smokin' hot, but she opens her mouth and the voice is a deal-breaker... yeah, she's a banshee.

I throw in a lot of "y'all," "hella," and other random things. Deal with it. If you actually keep reading you'll pick up on all of it. And I'll inevitably think of more weird things I say and keep you posted.

For now, accept this as my blog and I swear there will be more entertaining things in the future.